Winning Strategy for Taking your Power Back as a Parent

Guest post by Sue Sadana

Yes, Parenting! The hardest part of parenting is to be able to say ‘NO’ with love and to OWN your Choices!

So many times I have heard parents say that they feel bad about consequencing their children. My question is- if you don’t teach them about consequences now how will they manage when they are older?

It is our job to prepare them for the real world and 18 years is not that long and they spend almost 5 times that being a member of society where natural consequences happen everyday.

When in doubt: Try my Extrapolation exercise:  Take a minute to observe how your child behaves when you have requested him/her to do something. Then take that reaction and imagine it playing out when their boss requests them to do something like stay late to finish a project and your beloved responds the same. Frightening thought Right!!

I believe that WE, as parents, are somewhat responsible for the children that we are ‘releasing’ into society.  Teaching them to cope and function in a social network has to be part of their raising. Otherwise, the only thing we have created for them is a challenging future. Which may end up backfiring and make your life more challenging as they may never leave home!! OMG, NO  GRANDKIDS, NO FREEDOM 55! LOL.

Sometimes, parents make a mistake or at least a little part of your brain tries to convince you that you have and this begins the seed of guilt being planted inside you. It is our brains natural tendency to avoid pain and guide us to pleasure. The minute you feel guilty everything about you changes – your breathing, the way you stand, your shoulders hunch in, eyes look to the ground, voice is not as strong as it should be, are just to name a few. Let me be the one to tell you – At the first moment of change your child notices. Because yes, they are the experts at ‘handling” you so to speak.

WINNING STRATEGY:

Stop feeling guilty because it serves no one. And the best way to get out of feeling guilty is to figure out the thought that got you there.

For example: I threw out my child’s toy because he didn’t clean it up. Now he wants to play with it. Two ways to handle this:

The thought is basically throwing out the toy.

• If we associate a feeling of guilt with our action such as throwing it out then our result will change because our feelings drive our actions. When you do not “own your choice” it chips away at your self confidence.

• If we change that feeling to proud because we finally have an opportunity to teach them something then our actions will be totally different and so will our results. Owning your choice gives you the opportunity to lead.

Try this exercise and be sure to notice how you speak, what you say, how you move and best of all how the child reacts.

You may be pleasantly surprised. And you will definitely feel better!

TRIED and TESTED!