Why Children Sometimes Lie

Guest post by Betti Wilson 

Are you wondering why your child no longer tells the truth? This article seeks to enlighten parents on why children sometimes lie.

All people lie at some point, and children are no exception. However, if your child develops a tendency to lie more frequently, it should be cause for concern. It’s essential to mitigate the possibility of that habit blending into their character. This is possible through instilling the principles of honesty and truth in your child early on. It helps mold their character into one of trust, responsibility, and care

Reasons Why Children Lie

Keep The Heat Off

Kids often lie to take the heat off themselves when they know they have been up to mischief. It’s usually a good cover-up strategy for averting trouble. However young they may be, children are very intelligent people and can sometimes use a lie to gauge your reaction to an issue.

Exaggerating a story to make it more interesting is a habit we are all guilty of.  The only difference is that a child’s young and imaginative mind finds some thrill in dishonesty. Children often love to experiment with everything they see or hear and can use lies to make the scenario sound more real.

Get What They Want

 Another reason why children lie is to pull your hand to do what they want. For instance, a child would beg to be allowed to eat ice cream before dinner and end up not eating dinner at all. Besides being intelligent and delicate, kids are very sensitive and can use white lies to avoid hurting others’ feelings.

Low Self Esteem

Kids with low self-esteem issues can resort to lies to build their self-confidence and make themselves sound and feel better.

At What Age Do Children Start Lying?

Like any natural human element, kids develop the ability to tell lies at an early age. This usually happens as soon as they learn to talk normally, between 30 months to 3 years. The moment kids realize you cannot read their minds; they tend to say anything that is not true because they assume you will never know.

Around the formative years of 4 to 8, kids tend to lie even more and can master the habit with matching body language and tone of voice. As they grow older, they can tell lies successfully and get away with it. Their intelligence and innocence often work to their advantage. By the time kids hit the adolescent stage, telling white lies becomes a regular habit as they grow more sensitive to other people’s feelings.

How to Keep Children from Lying

Once children reach a specific age, they begin to discern lies and truth. It is recommended that you encourage and insist that they tell the truth.

You can achieve this by explaining why it is wrong to tell a lie and the importance of being honest no matter the circumstances. Some practical tips you can implement include:

1. Discussing the reasons why people lie and why it is good to tell the truth. Ask the child how they would feel if they were lied to and what would happen if they lied to someone important such as a teacher or doctor.
2. Encourage your child to avoid getting into situations where they would be forced to lie. For instance, if a kid broke the new flower vase, they might want to avoid the consequences by lying. To avoid this, emphasize the impact of carelessness and the need to be careful and responsible. Of course, you should not overrule the inevitability of accidents.
3. Applaud your child whenever they own up after making a mistake rather than covering up with lies. Praising them and appreciating their honesty will help build their confidence and strengthen their character.
4. Walk the talk by doing and saying everything you instill in them. You are your child’s first teacher and role model so lead by example.
5. Use humor to nudge your child to admit a lie or own up to their mistake without conflict. For instance, a child might be tempted to blame a younger sibling or pet. Encourage them to own up by saying something like’ I don’t understand how Barney would do that.’ Maintain the joke and laugh about it until the child admits the truth.

Dealing with Tell Tale Signs of Lying

During your child’s formative years, they pretend and imagine a lot. While this is good for their overall development, you can encourage them to play but not to lie. This approach is ideal for children aged 4 and below. You can help them to be creative through imagination without necessarily telling a lie by making up stories.

You can consider getting them toys for 4-year-old-boys to keep them engaged and build their creativity.

Dealing with Outright Lies

If your child starts telling lies deliberately, it is essential to point out why lying is wrong. Make a rule that you don’t lie to each other as family. Use the right approach to confront the situation. For instance, if the child plucked off the indoor plant leaves and lied about it, you might want to approach the issue in two ways. One is the mistake itself, and the other is lying about it. Consider these practical ideas on how to deal with deliberate lies:

Talk it over calmly and let them understand how you feel when they lie to you and the impact it has on your relationship with them. Let them know the risks of losing trust in friends and family because of lying.

Let your child know that you will always be aware of when they are lying. Never call your child a liar because that might encourage them to keep up the habit. Instead, you could use phrases like, ” You always tell the truth, but I don’t believe you this time around.”

Help your child develop an honest attitude. To achieve this, identify possible reasons why your child could be lying. They could be trying to reach out to you. Always be there for your child to maintain their self-esteem.

Handling Serious Lies

Children are sometimes forced to lie to cover up a deep secret. An example is a child suffering from any form of abuse or being bullied by other children. To protect themselves and their self-esteem, they’ll have to lie. In such a scenario, consider doing the flowing in handling white lies:

• Tell your child they can trust you to protect them if they tell the truth.
• Convince them that you will do everything possible to change the situation.

Helping your child overcome the habit is crucial in molding their character. Always seek the help of a professional if the habit of lying gets out of hand despite your efforts to help them change. A family or school counselor will provide the right guidance and advice for you and your child.